Month: May 2018

Helping your child understand and respect others’ differences

Babies can recognize differences, so teach them that being different is no biggie. Appreciating differences will help your child form healthy relationships, teach them to celebrate all people, and encourage kindness and respect. 

Children put people, places, and things into categories…

They do this to help them understand the world a little better. Children lump people together based on what is visible, like gender, race, or age. While this can be useful (and developmentally appropriate), it is important to model that different doesn’t mean “bad.”

• Even though your children may not be able to say much, talk with them about what they see and feel.
• Explain to your baby that people come in all shapes, colors, and sizes.
• Be aware of your own stereotypes (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or anything else) and your assumptions about the world around you.

I am Me, and you are YOU.

Children at this age are still learning that people can have their own likes and dislikes, and their own special features. Don’t be afraid to point out ways that people are different from each other – but do so in ways that communicate respect and excitement about those differences. Talk about how differences help us learn and create opportunities to try new things. 

Being able to celebrate differences requires that children can celebrate the special things about themselves! Your kid is awesome!  Make sure they know it.

Your child notices everything about the people around them. They might be confused that people look or act differently than they do.  

• Find concrete ways to talk about differences between your child and others (you, their siblings, friends).  Point out all of the important and unique qualities that make your child different and incredible!
• Keep challenging your own thoughts and assumptions about specific groups.  Why can’t boys wear makeup? Why shouldn’t girls collect bugs?

Everyone has their own way of doing things, even your kids.  

• As your child realizes they are their own person, they will begin to figure out that their way of doing things may not be the same as yours.  That’s okay!  Allow your child to try doing things their own way when appropriate.
  • • Let them try eating applesauce with a fork.  No harm no foul.
  • • Let them smash their avocado into the tray before scooping it up to eat.
    • Go ahead and let them wear two different socks, or use a dishtowel as a blanket.

Navigating Uncertainty and Exploring the Unknown

It’s never too early to start teaching our children how to embrace things that are unfamiliar Being exposed to new people, places and things is important for your child’s development, and will increase respect and openness.

Your child will notice how you respond to new and unfamiliar experiences. Pay attention to your body language and eye contact during these new experiences. Explain what you’re thinking and feeling to help them understand what is happening and how to respond.

There are lots of different ways to show your child new people, places, and things.

Expose your children to community events that celebrate many different people, abilities, and issues. Models ways of being engaged and involved with others.

Babies love to look at other babies!

• “Read” picture books that include depictions of different ethnic groups, family organizations, gender identities and physical abilities.  

• If you don’t have much experience with other cultures, don’t be afraid to learn with your child.  Diversity awareness and respect is important at all ages, and an openness to learn when you don’t already know is a a great lesson to teach your child.

For some new experiences, like going to an unfamiliar playground or outdoor concert, talk about what to expect can be helpful, but don’t over-prepare them.  Over-preparation can actually increase anxiety, and make a new situation seem scary.

• Don’t avoid all situations that may cause your child some stress.  Create opportunities to teach your child that new things – even those that make them nervous – can be great!   
• Exposing your child to new things in small doses can decrease anxiety and increase curiosity and comfort.

Games, games, and more games!

Have a staring contest!

• Games that involve eye contact (even intense eye contact) can promote increased attention and engagement with others; it’s an important part of nonverbal communication.

Charades

• Write down different types of people, places, things, or feelings. Take turns acting them out. Use your nonverbal strategies to help your partner figure out what your paper says. This type of activity promotes nonverbal communication through exaggerated facial expressions and body movements.

Finish the story

• Start a story and take turns adding details until you come up with a creative ending together!

Telephone

• With a group of at least 4-5 people, one person whispers a message to the person next to them. That message gets passed from person to person. Once everyone has heard the message, the last person reveals what was said. It can be very funny to hear how the message changes from start to finish.

20 Questions

• Ask your child to guess the person, place, or thing you’re thinking of. Your child gets 20 questions to help them figure it out. Be sure to use language that is age-appropriate!

Sound Tennis

• Start with a letter and then take turns saying new words that begin with the letter until someone can’t think of a new word. Then, the winner chooses a new letter.

Create Stories with Toys

• Play with the dolls, action figures, legos, cars, and other toys that your child has and create stories together. This type of activity teaches children how to play with others.

Nonverbal communication: are they or aren’t they? Do they or don’t they?

Get ready. Your child is going to start telling you a lot with their body language and facial expressions – in ways that you do and don’t like. From fist-bumps and winking to eye-rolls and deep sighs, their nonverbal communication is becoming more complex and expressive.

Fortunately, there are lots of things that you can do to help your child learn how to use their nonverbal behaviors in ways that are productive and meaningful.

Make clear observations about your child’s behavior and the behaviors of others.

Acknowledging your child’s nonverbal behavior helps them to understand the ways they communicate nonverbally and may make them more aware of others’ nonverbals. To do this think of some of the following questions:

• What does this action mean?
• What does it tell you about how your child is feeling?
• What does it tell your child about how others are feeling?

Get creative!

• Playing games like charades encourage children to explore and practice using their body language in ways that help them communicate and interact with others.
• For older kids, create a list of situations and scenarios that they are likely to come across in their everyday lives. Give them a chance to playfully practice expressing themselves without using their words.

Using your own nonverbal cues.

• Make sure you are at eye level when talking to your kids. Sit down. Bend down. Do whatever you need to do in order to establish clear eye contact.
• Communicate your love and support through the use of nonverbal behaviors. There are so many ways: give them a thumbs up, hold their hand, and hug and kiss them.

Verbal communication: who, what, when, where & why?

By now your child is probably able to communicate pretty well. They’re learning new words and improving their communication skills through conversations with others every day. They can explain why ice cream is a much better snack than broccoli, or why they should be able to stay up and watch The Lego Movie on a school night. Your child may be so great at speaking, that you forget that they have so much more to learn. How can you help develop their growing vocabulary and communication skills at this stage of development?

Your child’s communication skills are getting better and better, but no one is perfect!

It’s normal for 6 to 8 year olds to have trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings at times. When this happens:

• Be patient. It can be tempting to try to fill in words that your child is searching for. Give them a second or two and let them work through this process on their own.
• Be supportive. If your child becomes frustrated when they have difficulty communicating, remind them that they are doing a great job and that you are proud of them for trying.
• Don’t rush your child when they are speaking. Give them time to think about and process what they are going to say. Don’t worry if your child mispronounces words. This is a normal part of development that they will most likely grow out of on their own.
• Use more detailed and complex “feeling words” in conversations. For example, instead of saying “happy” or “sad,” begin to use words like, “excited,” “frustrated,” “annoyed,” and “disappointed.” Speak to your child slightly above their age level, and do not use “baby talk.”

Communicate with your child, not at your child.

• Maintain good eye contact, take turns when speaking, and ask them questions to make sure they understand you.
• Nod your head and respond appropriately when they are speaking to you. It’s important for your child to know that you’re listening and are interested.
• Ask questions if you don’t understand what they are saying.

Have a little fun!

Communication doesn’t have to be a boring chore for you and your child. There are tons of ways to make learning fun!

Tips to try

Make learning and communicating fun!

• Encourage your child to read their bedtime stories to you. Teach them how to sound out words they don’t know, and encourage them to read new books as often as possible.
• Make sure the books you’re reading with your children are age appropriate. It can be tempting to stick to favorite books or picture books – but your child is ready for more! Find books with basic stories and characters. Read a little each night.
• Kids may find it entertaining to think of different rhyming words. Pick a word and help your child come up with all the words that rhyme. For example: Fan. Man. Can. Van. Dan. Ran. Pan – Sound out words by clapping with each syllable and creating sentences that rhyme.
• When you read to your child, try having them come up with different endings to the story. This encourages them to use their imagination and their verbal skills while also bonding with you. It also increases their ability to think flexibly about the world and the possibility that things can be done in many different ways.
• Play an “Emotions Charade” game where your little one can express their feelings through facial expressions and body movements.

Play games such as charades to encourage your child’s nonverbal interactions!  

• Use body movements and facial expressions to communicate a word, phrase, or action such as “bird” or “going swimming.”

From scribbles to sentences

Preschool-aged children are also starting to write! Your child is beginning to write letters, their name, and basic drawings. It is likely that you have more stick-figure drawings of you and your child than you can fit on your fridge! Display them proudly.

Encourage your child to practice writing their name and the names of family members and friends. When you send cards to people at the holidays or on birthdays, let your kids write their own names.

Have your child help you make a grocery list. Spell out the items you need and have your child write it for you. You can also write out the word and have your child draw a picture of that item to find in the store.

Ask your child to draw a picture of their family or friends. Have them name the figures and tell you about what is happening in the picture, such as who is playing with who and how each person is feeling.

Nonverbal Communication: Head, shoulders, knees and toes

Some days it may feel like your preschooler never stops talking. And yet, speaking is only part of the way your child is communicating with you. As your child’s vocabulary becomes more complex, their knowledge of facial expressions, eye contact, and body language is growing as well. 

How can you help?

Verbal Communication: Why questions (about everything!) are a GOOD thing

Children between the ages of 3 and 5 can piece together their ideas about the world, but they need the adults in their lives to help make sense of things. They also need adults to model good communication skills. From vocabulary words to silly phrases, your preschooler is rapidly picking up on different verbal cues to help them communicate with the rest of the world. Both at school and at home, they are learning all the time.

Encourage your child’s curiosity.

At this age, children will be asking many, many questions. Let them ask. Answer the best you can. It can be fun for you and your child to research answers you don’t know, and sometimes the answer to the questions is “just because.”

• Try not to get bothered or frustrated by your child’s constant questioning! Asking questions helps them to learn about the world around them. The way you respond to these questions will either encourage their curiosity or make them feel like they shouldn’t ask questions. Try to be patient and positive!
• If you don’t know an answer to a question, that’s okay! You don’t need to have all of the answers. When you don’t have an answer, suggest that both you and your child look up the answer together – so that you can both learn something new! This also shows your child the importance of looking for answers – a.k.a. problem-solving! When in doubt, “google” it!

Let your child tell you what they’re thinking.

Turning the tables and asking your child questions gives them the chance to share their opinions and find solutions to the problems (For example, “what do you think?”).

• Be careful not to be critical or dismissive of your child’s responses.
• Though your child might not have the answer to a complicated problem, working together to find the answer will encourage confidence.
• Don’t always swoop in to save the day. Fixing or solving a problem for your child may make it less likely that they will try to figure things out on their own in the future, so let them try first and only step in when needed.

Your little one has learned a lot of words, and the way they use those words is becoming more and more complex.

For example, together in a sentence, asking a question, and making a silly joke. Encourage their language development by having frequent conversations with them – about school, home, family, friends, anything at all!

• Be descriptive. If your child is showing you something, ask them to describe the object and its location using words such as colorful, smooth, rough, next to, near, and under.
• Introduce new words into your child’s vocabulary! It can be a word from a book, a word their teacher is using at preschool or daycare, or maybe from a “Word of the Day” calendar. Explain what the word means and use it in a sentence, making sure that your child understands when to use it.

Like it or not, you are your child’s biggest role model.

Though at times it may seem like your child doesn’t listen, they are always picking up on the words you say, and the way you communicate with others. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Be respectful and kind, and encourage your child to do the same.
• Manage your volume (and their volume) when talking to your child. For example, remind them, “Don’t yell at nap-time. Let’s use our inside voices.”
• Help your child learn how to ask for things directly and specifically. For example, if your child says, “Daddy, help!” and points to their jacket, encourage them to say, “Daddy, can you help me reach my jacket?”