Month: November 2018

Understanding the Feelings of Others

Identifying and understanding emotions is about more than just being aware of your own emotions – it’s also about being able to recognize, and be sensitive to, the feelings of others. When children understand the emotions of their family, friends, and peers, they have stronger relationships and are more likely to recognize their own emotions.

Talk about emotions whenever you can, like when you are on walks in the park or playing at the beach.  Even if your child uses one-word answers, or doesn’t respond, it’s valuable to get in the habit of talking about emotions.  

Identifying and Naming Feelings

At this age, children don’t have the vocabulary to tell you how they feel, so get comfortable guessing! Just like you, your kids have a range of emotions and now is the time to start helping them to connect their behaviors to their feelings.

Talk about how you are feeling and why.   

• Narrating your own experiences and the experiences of your toddler will help teach your child about emotions early on, laying the foundation for them to express their own feelings once they begin talking.    

• Incorporate “feeling words” to help your little one learn about emotions. Use simple words such as “happy,” “sad,” and “mad.”

Model how to express feelings.

Each and every day you are dealing with a number of different emotions while managing the ups and downs of life. Your little one is watching you and learning ways to express their feelings.  Here are some ways to do this: 

1. Copy your toddler’s facial expression to show them what their feelings look like.

2. Use different facial expressions during interactions with your child.

• Flash a smile when you are happy
• Hold your nose and wrinkle your face if you are disgusted when changing when you change a stinky diaper
• Frown or slump your shoulders when you are sad
• Yawn and stretch your arms when you are tired.

3. Make connections between your child’s body language or facial expression and feelings. 

Helping Your Baby Cope

From tummy time and gurgling to sitting up, your little one is interacting more and more with the world…and this can come with challenges! When tears or frustration arise, help your child cope with these feelings by using some basic strategies.

Life with a baby can be unpredictable! 

Encourage your child to practice skills for dealing with tough times, developing resilience in the face of challenges. There isn’t much that your baby can do without you, but look for opportunities for them to start practicing coping with age-appropriate challenges.

Tummy time! Put your three-month-old on their tummy so that they can practice lifting their head and strengthening their muscles.

• Keep sessions short (several minutes) and try to engage your baby by talking to them, and keeping them interested with fun and brightly-colored toys.

• If they begin to fuss or get upset, enthusiastically encourage them by saying, “Yay! It’s okay! You’re doing such a good job with tummy time!” and let them work through their frustrations for a few more seconds.

• Your infant won’t be able to understand your words but encouraging tones and enthusiasm can make all the difference!

Recognize their (and your) limits! There will be times when negative emotions take over, and no amount of positivity or cheerleading will help your little one to calm down and try again. During full-blown meltdowns, keep some of the following tools in your back pocket to help your little one learn to cope:

Helping your baby build connections

From bath time to eating to getting dressed – your baby relies on you. You’re their first connection to another person, and your relationship sets the foundation for strong bonds with others. Having supportive people around them will encourage them to be resilient and face difficult or challenging situations head on.

Soak up special time with your child!

• Middle of the night feedings, diaper changes, or wake-ups may not feel like the greatest bonding experience at 3am. But they are! Responding to their needs is a key part of forming a connection with them and helping them feel secure, supported, and loved.

• Moments that we may take for granted can mean a whole lot to our children. Having special bedtime routines, rubbing their back, and holding their hand are just a few little ways to show your child how much you love them.

Keep in mind that every child is different.

Some babies need a little extra time to warm up to other people, while some love to be the center of attention right away. Pay attention to your child’s temperament as they develop into their own unique person.

• If your child is becomes easily overwhelmed when interacting with new people, don’t introduce them to too many people at once – start slow with maybe just 1 or 2 people.

• Show them that the new situation is something that may be fun or exciting by letting them watch you interact with the new person. Give the person they are meeting a hug and exaggerate your facial expressions with big smiles.

• Be patient with your infant as they deal with these situations. You can’t change their temperament, but by knowing how they respond to the world, you can support them in building resilience, regardless of their temperament style.

For example...

If your 9 month old is cautious about staying with a family friend, make sure they have time to adjust. Have a clear goodbye with them to make sure they feel safe and comfortable.

If your 5 month old, loves being held by new people and views it as exciting, let them explore these new interactions!

For more tips on helping your infant form connections, click here.

Helping your baby understand the feelings of others

Take advantage of any opportunity in your daily routine to talk about emotions, like when taking a bath or driving in the car. It doesn’t matter if it feels like your child doesn’t understand – they are soaking it in, so it’s valuable to get in the habit of talking about emotions.   

When looking at books together, select books aimed at teaching emotions.

These books often have large pictures of different facial expressions and only one or two words per page describing the emotion. Baby Happy! Baby Sad.  

Identifying & Naming Feelings

Believe it or not, you can start teaching your baby how to recognize feelings from the moment they are born.

Ask any new parent, and they will tell you about the wide range of their baby’s emotions! From happy to frustrated, babies have emotions as variable as we all do – but far less control over them (for now!). You can lay the foundation for your baby to learn how to navigate the ups and downs of emotions later on by teaching them how to recognize feelings as they emerge.

• Talk to your baby! They may not understand what you are saying, but they will learn to associate your tone of voice with your facial expressions.

When your six-month-old cries because they are tired, say, “I know, you must be feeling exhausted! Let’s get you to bed.”

When your one-year-old falls after taking their first steps, say, “Aw, it’s okay! That was surprising, wasn’t it?” Help them up, give them a hug, and encourage them to try again.

• Shrieking with surprise, gurgling with delight, and crying from fear or frustration are all ways that babies express themselves. Label those emotions for your child to help them connect their experience with the corresponding feeling. It may seem far off, but soon your child will be able to use those words to tell you how they’re feeling.
• Maintain eye contact and exaggerate your facial expressions when you’re communicating a “big” feeling with your baby. Widen your eyes and smile to convey happiness, or frown when you’re feeling sad.

Conflict Management & Resolution

Most of the “conflict” your baby faces at this age centers around their bodily experiences of hunger, exhaustion, and discomfort. While it can be difficult to calm down a wailing baby who can’t tell you what’s wrong, sometimes a little detective work can lead to easy solutions.

Your understanding of what makes your baby fussy and how best to soothe them develops over time. Whether it be a few minutes cuddling together before work, or making your little one belly-laugh before bed, you will start to understand their quirks, funny personalities, and what makes them tick.

Your baby may want to take their sibling’s favorite toy or climb up the bookshelf to reach a special book and not have the capacity to understand why this is not acceptable.  

• In these situations, distraction is the best way to resolve conflicts. Find some other way to appease your infant and resolve the conflicts.
• Struggling with new challenges and unfamiliar experiences can cause conflict, but also provide opportunities to build confidence and practice problem-solving! Click here for information regarding problem solving. 

Responding to Not-So-Great Behaviors

As your engaging infant becomes a delightful baby, they start to learn that their actions can affect others. Blowing kisses and waving hello can lead to big smiles from friends and family, while biting or hitting leads to frowns and tears. Your role is to teach your child to minimize conflict by understanding what behaviors are appropriate and safe, and what behaviors are not.

Set Clear Expectations Early On

While there is little chance of a newborn pinching a sibling or running into the street, it is never too early to establish basic safety rules and routines in your house. Telling your baby or little one to “pet the dog nicely and gently” and to “share with others” teaches them to act in a safe manner and to get along well with others.

• Staying calm is your job – and it’s not always easy. Stress can cloud our ability to think clearly about a situation. When your baby is shrieking and squirming, try your best to stay calm and assess the problem.
  • Crying, screeching, biting, and hitting are all ways that babies respond to anger or distress. And why wouldn’t they? It feels great to scream when you’re angry! But shouting or lashing out increases conflict between siblings, parents, or caregivers, instead of lessening feelings of frustration.

• Talk out loud about the other safety rules. Saying, “No hitting or biting! That hurts others,” and, “Don’t pull hair! Be gentle,” draws attention to important guidelines that reduce conflict.

Helping your infant build empathy

While your squirmy, smiley baby may not understand your words, they definitely understand the tone of your voice and behavior toward others. You can teach them respect for others from the very start by demonstrating warmth and kindness in your relationships.

• Shower your little one with love and affection and respond to their squawks of hunger and distress.
• Your reaction to your baby builds the framework for their growing understanding of others’ behavior.

Your baby depends on you to be fed, changed, burped, and transported around.

There is very little they can do without you! Model care and kindness by meeting your baby’s needs whenever possible – even at 12am. Even at 3am. Even when your hands are full of dirty laundry and the water is boiling on the stove. Responding consistently to your baby when they are uncomfortable or upset gives your child a sense that you are there to keep them safe and supported.

• The most attentive and understanding parents in the world will not always be able to stop their child from feeling stress and discomfort. Parents are all just doing their best to comfort and care for their children.

• You can convey warmth and love to your child through your cuddles and kisses as well as your tone of voice when speaking. Spend time with your baby singing songs, telling stories, or even making silly faces.

Talking About Conflict

Learning how to handle conflict is an important skill that can lead to strong relationships, academic success, and improved mental health. Knowing how to calm down when we’re feeling angry, upset, or frustrated is the first step to managing conflict – no matter our age.

Click here for more information regarding identifying and understanding feelings and managing emotions.