Conflict Management & Resolution

Talking about Conflict

Your kids are learning about their thoughts and feelings.

But handling those emotions can be overwhelming. Kids can’t think clearly when their emotions are high. Figuring out strategies to help your child settle is a huge step toward effective conflict management because it enables them to engage in a productive conversation.

Support your child’s efforts to handle conflict by helping them learn how to talk about a problem with others.

• Feeling sad, angry, or upset can be a signal that something is wrong. Ask your child to talk about how they are feeling. Have them practice using “I feel” phrases to describe the problem, instead of assigning blame to others.
• Remind your child that it’s okay to feel frustration and anger, but it’s not okay to express those feelings by hitting, pinching or screaming.
• Have your child tell you what happened and how it made them feel. Offer help if they are having trouble figuring out why they are upset. Is it because they fell and scraped their knee? Or because their brother laughed instead of helping them get up?

For simple, in-the-moment strategies to help your child sort through big feelings, click here.

Help your child pick an appropriate time and place to discuss their feelings with others.

The middle of the library or the doctor’s office may not be the best place to have a meaningful conversation about a recent fight. Find a quiet space where there is little chance of being interrupted.

• After both sides have discussed their reasons for being upset, ask them to repeat back why the other person is upset. Understanding others’ perspectives can help them appreciate how their actions may have contributed to a problem.
• Avoid taking sides! Limit conversations to include only the people who were involved.

Your child looks to you for guidance.

Modeling effective ways to deal with annoyances and irritations gives them a road map for their own emotional journey.

• Be mindful of the way you respond to stressors in your life. Show your child that it’s okay to feel frustrated and to talk about those feelings with others involved. Watching you address problems with other people helps them understand that conflict won’t ruin relationships or diminish love, but it could make the situation feel better.   
• Everyone loses their cool from time to time. The “perfect parent” is a myth. When you yell at your children or say something unkind, apologize. Let your child know that we are all responsible for our actions and words, at every age, and that you will be more mindful the next time you’re having a big feeling.