Coping with Loss
Children face many obstacles and difficulties that test their ability to cope and bounce back, and one of the biggest challenges is learning to cope with loss. From smaller losses such as the death of a family pet to more significant losses such as the death of a friend or family member, resilient children have the tools to grieve, cope with their feelings, and heal so that they can move forward.
Loss is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy – especially for a child. As a parent or caregiver, you can help support your child through this difficult time by:
Talking about the loss.
- It may feel like you are protecting your child by choosing not to talk about the loss with them, but the opposite is true! Use age-appropriate language to talk with your child about the loss, what it means when someone dies. Let your child ask questions and do your best to answer honestly at a level that your child will understand. For more tips on how to talk to children about loss, go to this link.
It can be hard to know how to talk to children about crises that occur in the world around us. Check out this website for helpful information on ways you can do this.
Validating your child’s feelings.
- There is no right way to grieve, and children may experience lots of different emotions after a loss. This is okay! Offer support to your child and remind them that their feelings are normal and that there are no “wrong” feelings.
Acknowledging and coping with your own feelings.
- If you have also been affected by the loss, you are likely experiencing just as many emotions as your child. Making time to process your grief while also supporting a grieving child can be difficult and exhausting – but it is incredibly important!
- Be a role model for your child by talking about your own feelings and identifying things that help you cope, whether it be a warm bath, a hot cup of tea, or snuggling with your little one. Acknowledging your own feelings will normalize the grief process for your child, letting them know that it is safe and okay to express their feelings.
Practicing self-care.
- If both you and your child are affected by the loss, daily activities such as eating, shower, and sleeping may feel overwhelming and can easily fall by the wayside. Try not to let this happen! As much as possible, stick with a routine to create some stability in your child’s life. Children find comfort in routine, and a little normalcy has the potential to provide a lot of relief for your child.
Finding a special way to say goodbye.
- Children and adults alike are able to cope with loss better when they are able to create closure. Work with your child to find a way to preserve memories and say goodbye in a way that feels special for them. For the loss of a pet, this may mean creating a collage of photos or a book of their favorite memories. Other children may want to release a balloon in a place that was special to the deceased, such as a park or the ocean. Find what works for your child and help them put that plan into action – whatever it may be.
Being patient.
- All children grieve differently, and the grief process may not be easy or straightforward. Grieving is hard. Dealing with loss is hard. If your child is not ready to share their feelings with you, be patient. One of the best ways that you can support your child is simply by letting them know that you love them and are there for them if they want to talk, need to cry, or simply want a hug.
Seeking additional support when needed.
- Grief can be isolating, overwhelming, and exhausting for both children and adults. It is okay to reach out for help! If you or your child needs additional support, consider reaching out to your pediatrician for resources or find a local support group in your area. Check out this link to learn more.