Author: Ellen Flannery-Schroeder

Identifying and Naming Feelings

Your growing child is learning new things each day – and that means that they are experiencing a lot of emotions along the way! Naming emotions is not always so simple for your child. Teaching your child about emotions will help them be ready to tackle difficult situations in the future.

What’s the feeling?

Remember that they’re called “feelings” for a reason! A great way to teach your growing child how to recognize their emotions is to help them tune in to how their body feels. 

Talking about emotions.

Now that your child is a little older, they are likely talking up a storm! But while there is a lot that they are able to share with you, they might still struggle with identifying and naming their feelings.

There are a number of simple, everyday ways that you can teach your child about emotions:

1. Sing songs about emotions (e.g., If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands).

2. Play games (e.g., feelings charades).

3. Discuss the emotions of the characters in movies and picture books.

4. Talk about emotions – tell them when you are feeling happy, sad, anxious, excited, and everything in between.  

• Let your child try to name different feelings on their own.
• Fill in the words if they are struggling to identify their emotions. When doing this, be careful not to tell your child how they are feeling; instead, suggest some different feeling words and talk with them about which emotion matches up with how they are feeling.
• Remeber, talk to your child about all emotions – even ones that are uncomfortable, less pleasant, or more difficult to identify.

Celebrate when they do share!

You probably praise your child for lots of things – like following directions, sharing with their sibling, and trying a new food. But remembering to praise them for talking about their feelings is just as important!

• When your child identifies and shares their feelings with you, thank them and let them know how proud you are of them.
• Learning to identify feelings is hard work, and your little one will love the encouragement and positive attention!

As your child is able to identify new feelings, the next step is to help them find ways to handle those emotions. Click here to help your child manage their emotions.

Coping with Tough Moments

From taking first steps to drinking from a cup, learning how to navigate the world can come with challenges! When tears or frustration arise, help your child handle these feelings by practicing some basic coping skills. As your little one grows and is better able to cope with challenging situations, they will become resilient and be more prepared to handle other difficult ones in the future and will be more likely to bounce back from setbacks.

Life with a toddler can be a rollercoaster!

Help your child develop Grit, which is the ability keep going during tough times, to build resilience and be ready to take on life’s challenges.

• Although there are lots of things that your child can’t do without you, there are tons of opportunities for them to start practicing age-appropriate tasks on their own.

• Let your two-year-old pick out their own clothes and practice dressing themselves. When they get stuck in their shirt, put their pants on inside out, or can’t get their shoe on, resist the urge to swoop in and do it for them. Remind them that they are doing a great job and encourage them to keep trying.

Recognize their limits! There will be times when no amount of cheerleading will help your little one to calm down and try again. 

When your toddler starts to unravel:

Stay calm! It’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed and ready to scream yourself, but much of how your little one learns to cope comes from how you respond to them when they are upset. Be a model for your toddler by taking a deep breath and speaking calmly.

Have your little one “take space.” If your toddler becomes frustrated with a task, and their coping skills just aren’t cutting it, remove them from the situation for a few minutes to give their body a chance to calm down. Let them know that once they’re calm enough to try again, you will be there to support them.

Revisit what was upsetting your child after they have calmed down. Help them find the words to describe their feelings and brainstorm ways that they can cope better in the future.

Creating Strong Connections for your toddler

From bath time to eating to getting dressed – your toddler still relies on you. Your relationship with your child forms the foundation for the development of strong, caring bonds with others. Having supportive people in their life will help your toddler know that they have a safety net during the tough times and will be more likely to be resilient and bounce back from challenges.

1.  Your child interacts with many people, especially if they are in a child care setting or organized social activities. Other people in your child’s life are important sources of support. Encourage these connections.

2.  While you help your child build strong connections to people around them, remember to pay attention to how your child responds to new and unfamiliar situations and people. Each child has their own temperament, which can influence how they form these connections.

• Some toddlers are excited about unfamiliar things, while others are hesitant and need some extra time to feel comfortable.
• Temperament is not something that your toddler chose, so be mindful of how they are viewing and interacting with the world around them, as it may be very different from your own temperament or that of their siblings or peers.

For more tips on helping your toddler form connections, click here.

Understanding the Feelings of Others

Identifying and understanding emotions is about more than just being aware of your own emotions – it’s also about being able to recognize, and be sensitive to, the feelings of others. When children understand the emotions of their family, friends, and peers, they have stronger relationships and are more likely to recognize their own emotions.

Talk about emotions whenever you can, like when you are on walks in the park or playing at the beach.  Even if your child uses one-word answers, or doesn’t respond, it’s valuable to get in the habit of talking about emotions.  

Identifying and Naming Feelings

At this age, children don’t have the vocabulary to tell you how they feel, so get comfortable guessing! Just like you, your kids have a range of emotions and now is the time to start helping them to connect their behaviors to their feelings.

Talk about how you are feeling and why.   

• Narrating your own experiences and the experiences of your toddler will help teach your child about emotions early on, laying the foundation for them to express their own feelings once they begin talking.    

• Incorporate “feeling words” to help your little one learn about emotions. Use simple words such as “happy,” “sad,” and “mad.”

Model how to express feelings.

Each and every day you are dealing with a number of different emotions while managing the ups and downs of life. Your little one is watching you and learning ways to express their feelings.  Here are some ways to do this: 

1. Copy your toddler’s facial expression to show them what their feelings look like.

2. Use different facial expressions during interactions with your child.

• Flash a smile when you are happy
• Hold your nose and wrinkle your face if you are disgusted when changing when you change a stinky diaper
• Frown or slump your shoulders when you are sad
• Yawn and stretch your arms when you are tired.

3. Make connections between your child’s body language or facial expression and feelings. 

Helping Your Baby Cope

From tummy time and gurgling to sitting up, your little one is interacting more and more with the world…and this can come with challenges! When tears or frustration arise, help your child cope with these feelings by using some basic strategies.

Life with a baby can be unpredictable! 

Encourage your child to practice skills for dealing with tough times, developing resilience in the face of challenges. There isn’t much that your baby can do without you, but look for opportunities for them to start practicing coping with age-appropriate challenges.

Tummy time! Put your three-month-old on their tummy so that they can practice lifting their head and strengthening their muscles.

• Keep sessions short (several minutes) and try to engage your baby by talking to them, and keeping them interested with fun and brightly-colored toys.

• If they begin to fuss or get upset, enthusiastically encourage them by saying, “Yay! It’s okay! You’re doing such a good job with tummy time!” and let them work through their frustrations for a few more seconds.

• Your infant won’t be able to understand your words but encouraging tones and enthusiasm can make all the difference!

Recognize their (and your) limits! There will be times when negative emotions take over, and no amount of positivity or cheerleading will help your little one to calm down and try again. During full-blown meltdowns, keep some of the following tools in your back pocket to help your little one learn to cope:

Helping your baby build connections

From bath time to eating to getting dressed – your baby relies on you. You’re their first connection to another person, and your relationship sets the foundation for strong bonds with others. Having supportive people around them will encourage them to be resilient and face difficult or challenging situations head on.

Soak up special time with your child!

• Middle of the night feedings, diaper changes, or wake-ups may not feel like the greatest bonding experience at 3am. But they are! Responding to their needs is a key part of forming a connection with them and helping them feel secure, supported, and loved.

• Moments that we may take for granted can mean a whole lot to our children. Having special bedtime routines, rubbing their back, and holding their hand are just a few little ways to show your child how much you love them.

Keep in mind that every child is different.

Some babies need a little extra time to warm up to other people, while some love to be the center of attention right away. Pay attention to your child’s temperament as they develop into their own unique person.

• If your child is becomes easily overwhelmed when interacting with new people, don’t introduce them to too many people at once – start slow with maybe just 1 or 2 people.

• Show them that the new situation is something that may be fun or exciting by letting them watch you interact with the new person. Give the person they are meeting a hug and exaggerate your facial expressions with big smiles.

• Be patient with your infant as they deal with these situations. You can’t change their temperament, but by knowing how they respond to the world, you can support them in building resilience, regardless of their temperament style.

For example...

If your 9 month old is cautious about staying with a family friend, make sure they have time to adjust. Have a clear goodbye with them to make sure they feel safe and comfortable.

If your 5 month old, loves being held by new people and views it as exciting, let them explore these new interactions!

For more tips on helping your infant form connections, click here.

Helping your baby understand the feelings of others

Take advantage of any opportunity in your daily routine to talk about emotions, like when taking a bath or driving in the car. It doesn’t matter if it feels like your child doesn’t understand – they are soaking it in, so it’s valuable to get in the habit of talking about emotions.   

When looking at books together, select books aimed at teaching emotions.

These books often have large pictures of different facial expressions and only one or two words per page describing the emotion. Baby Happy! Baby Sad.  

Identifying & Naming Feelings

Believe it or not, you can start teaching your baby how to recognize feelings from the moment they are born.

Ask any new parent, and they will tell you about the wide range of their baby’s emotions! From happy to frustrated, babies have emotions as variable as we all do – but far less control over them (for now!). You can lay the foundation for your baby to learn how to navigate the ups and downs of emotions later on by teaching them how to recognize feelings as they emerge.

• Talk to your baby! They may not understand what you are saying, but they will learn to associate your tone of voice with your facial expressions.

When your six-month-old cries because they are tired, say, “I know, you must be feeling exhausted! Let’s get you to bed.”

When your one-year-old falls after taking their first steps, say, “Aw, it’s okay! That was surprising, wasn’t it?” Help them up, give them a hug, and encourage them to try again.

• Shrieking with surprise, gurgling with delight, and crying from fear or frustration are all ways that babies express themselves. Label those emotions for your child to help them connect their experience with the corresponding feeling. It may seem far off, but soon your child will be able to use those words to tell you how they’re feeling.
• Maintain eye contact and exaggerate your facial expressions when you’re communicating a “big” feeling with your baby. Widen your eyes and smile to convey happiness, or frown when you’re feeling sad.

Conflict Management & Resolution

Most of the “conflict” your baby faces at this age centers around their bodily experiences of hunger, exhaustion, and discomfort. While it can be difficult to calm down a wailing baby who can’t tell you what’s wrong, sometimes a little detective work can lead to easy solutions.

Your understanding of what makes your baby fussy and how best to soothe them develops over time. Whether it be a few minutes cuddling together before work, or making your little one belly-laugh before bed, you will start to understand their quirks, funny personalities, and what makes them tick.

Your baby may want to take their sibling’s favorite toy or climb up the bookshelf to reach a special book and not have the capacity to understand why this is not acceptable.  

• In these situations, distraction is the best way to resolve conflicts. Find some other way to appease your infant and resolve the conflicts.
• Struggling with new challenges and unfamiliar experiences can cause conflict, but also provide opportunities to build confidence and practice problem-solving! Click here for information regarding problem solving.