Author: Ellen Flannery-Schroeder
Promoting Independence
Promoting Independence
When children encounter problems, stepping in to solve it for them can feel like the “right” thing to do. But when you intervene, children miss opportunities for skill building that come from solving problems their own way. The more practice they get, the better prepared they will be for the next problem!
Use problem solving to help your child flex their creative muscles when examining all of the different solutions to a problem.
- Watch as they make several attempts and approach challenges from new angles.
- Offer tons of praise and encouragement as your children independently strategize solutions to their problems.
Allow children to experience failure.
Yes, this can feel uncomfortable, but allowing children to experience the natural consequences of their decisions is extremely valuable. When kids are given the opportunity to struggle, and even fail, they start to develop critical social and emotional skills. You should never risk their safety or ignore children when they are in need, but be their sidekick rather than their hero.
Help your child develop a growth mindset.
Teaching a growth mindset to children means that we are encouraging them to continually develop, and to realize that they are capable of learning. When encountering your own problems, model a growth mindset by saying “this is really tricky, I better keep trying” instead of giving up. In order to solve a problem, your child must believe they have the ability to do so!
Practice problem solving before the stakes are high.
Ask children to help you come up with solutions to everyday issues like changing the toilet paper roll, getting stuck in their shirt while getting undressed, or having mismatched socks.
Steps for Problem Solving
Steps for Problem Solving
Whether it’s having trouble taking turns, or untying knotted sneakers, children face problems and challenges every day. Instead of feeling overwhelmed when they encounter a problem, children with strong problem-solving abilities are able to understand and control their emotions, think creatively, and persevere until they find a solution. Try coming up with simple steps to improve problem-solving for your child – steps that they can implement anywhere and anytime.
Step 1:
Identify the problem.
We need to know what the problem is before we can begin to solve it. Start by asking your child how they are feeling, and why they are feeling that way. When we can identify a specific problem, it’s much easier to come up with a plan for solving it.
Step 2:
Explore the possible solutions!
Once your child has identified the problem, work together to brainstorm lots of different ways to approach a problem, even if they aren’t “good” (or fast, or particularly practical).
- If your child is having trouble coloring a picture, include “crying” or “throwing it away” as potential solutions. Even if their solution is one that you recognize won’t work, let them discover what works and what doesn’t. They’re just brainstorming, so every idea is important!
- Use fun examples, like what to do if they don’t have an umbrella and it starts to rain. For example, they could use a jacket, find a piece of paper, use an empty box, or not use anything and get soaked!
Step 3:
Try it out.
Guide your child to choose one or two potential solutions to try out. If the solution doesn’t work, see if they can figure out why and try another. Encourage your child to keep trying until the problem is solved.
Look back and evaluate the results.
Discuss what happened. What worked? What didn’t? What can they try differently next time? It is important to help kids consider everyone involved, and to evaluate others’ responses to possible solutions as well!
Be a Role Model
Be a Role Model
Let your problem solving strategies be examples for your children.
- Think about how you solve problems, and model your solutions! For example, show your child how to blow on hot food to cool it down.
- Acknowledge when things don’t go as planned. It is reassuring for kids to realize that adults make mistakes too. Let your child watch you make mistakes or fail the first time you try something. Watching you use effective problem solving strategies can teach them that making mistakes is okay!
Promoting Independence
Promote Independence!
When your child encounters a problem, stepping in can seem like the “right” thing to do. But when you intervene, your child misses opportunities to build important skills and self-confidence. Provide assistance when it is needed, but encourage them to solve problems their own way.
Encourage your children to think about what they can do to fix problems before stepping in.
Provide lots of positive support and guide them to possible solutions. The sense of independence they will gain from trying things on their own is well worth the effort!
- If your child is having trouble with a puzzle, ask, “What can we do so that the pieces fit?”
- Allow your child to fail. Yes, this may be a little uncomfortable at first, but allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their decisions is extremely important. You should never risk their safety or ignore your child when they are in need, but be their sidekick rather than their hero.
- Help your child develop a growth mindset by encouraging them to believe they have the ability to solve the problems that they encounter! Use encouraging phrases such as “keep trying” or “you’ve got this” to let them know that you believe in them.
When problems arise, and kids don’t know what to do, it is common for them to feel some powerful feelings.
Help them manage “big” and complicated emotions by acknowledging their feelings and giving those feelings names (sad, worried, tired, frustrated). When your children understand why they’re having big feelings, they’re better able to evaluate the problem, and consider solutions.
For more tips and tools to help your child understand and manage emotions, click here.
Steps to Problem Solving
Steps to Problem Solving
Whether it’s difficulty opening a drawer or trouble reaching something under the bed, young children face problems and challenges every day. Instead of feeling overwhelmed when they encounter a problem, children with strong problem-solving abilities are able to understand and control their emotions, think creatively, and recruit appropriate help when needed.
A simple problem-solving process for your child might include:
Step 1:
Identify the problem.
Observe your child and point out the problem they’re dealing with.
Step 2:
Brainstorm possible solutions!
When children are too young to talk, this might involve a lot of narrating out loud for them; things like “Hmmm. Sounds like frustrated because the ball rolled behind the couch. I bet you could reach it if I moved the couch away from the wall?” Be a problem-solving partner as your kiddo gets the hang of it.
Step 3:
Try it out.
Guide your child to a workable solution to their problem. If one solution doesn’t work, try another. Encourage your child to persevere until a problem is solved.
Modeling
Modeling Problem Solving Skills
Let your problem-solving strategies be examples for your children.
- Think about how you solve problems, and model your solutions! For example, if your child is having trouble stacking rings, show them how before having them try again on their own. Talk aloud as you come up with a solution, and break it down step-by-step.
Tip to try:
Acknowledge when things don’t go as planned. What happens if you stack the small ring before the larger one? Oops! It’s important to model that adults make mistakes too.
Promoting Independence
Promoting Independence
Whether it’s a toy that is just out of reach, or learning to flip from their tummy to their back, even young children face problems and challenges every day. Problem-solving at this age is basic and practical – getting a bottle into their mouth, mastering head control, and using their noises to get you to pay attention to them.
- A great opportunity to introduce early problem-solving involves teaching your child about object permanence. Object permanence begins to emerge around 8 months old, and involves a baby’s understanding that when things are out of sight, they still exist. When your child drops a ball on the ground, do they look for it?
- You can promote object permanence by playing peek-a-boo, hiding a ball under a blanket, or holding a toy behind your back.
- Help your child develop a growth mindset. In order to solve a problem, your child must believe they have the ability to do so! Use encouraging phrases such as “keep trying” or “you this” to let them know that you believe in them.
It’s ok to step in during certain problems.
Intervening to teach your child how to solve a problem can teach them the steps needed to be an independent problem-solver in the future. Once you’ve shown them how to solve a problem, provide assistance when it’s needed, but remember that many of their problems at this age require a little struggle.
Allow your child to experience a little distress when facing a challenge.
Although this may feel a little uncomfortable for you both, your child has to be able to navigate some challenges in order to meet appropriate developmental milestones.
For example:
- Struggling to roll over from their tummy to back and then to their tummy again (around 6-7 months).
- Learning how to pull themselves up on the furniture (around 10 months) – even if they take a tumble.
- Learning to drink from sippy cup (or straw!) rather than a bottle
- And understanding that when you leave to go to work in the morning, that you aren’t gone forever.
You should never risk their safety or ignore your child when they are in need, but acting more as a sidekick rather than their hero will help them in the long run. It is often during difficult times that children develop and demonstrate strong problem-solving skills!
Your child is seeing lots of new faces and learning lots of new things everyday!
When problems arise, and kids don’t know what to do, it is common for them to feel some powerful feelings. As a caregiver, a little guidance and encouragement can go a long way! For more tips and tools to help your child manage emotions, click here.