Author: worldways

Nonverbal communication: sad face, happy face, and everything in between

Your one year old may babble nonstop, but we know words are not the only way children and adults communicate. Hugs and smiles show love and happiness, while screams and kicks show anger and frustration; no words needed.

Along with their wants and needs, children communicate feelings with their nonverbal behavior.

Watch for facial expressions or body language that may indicate a certain emotion.

• If a loud noise makes your toddler burst into tears, give them a hug and say, “That was a little scary, wasn’t it? You look very upset.”
• When your toddler laughs or grins, say, “Look how happy you are today! We are in such a good mood!”

As your toddler approaches the age of two, they may respond more strongly to frustrating situations. Encourage your child to use their body appropriately and safely when trying to communicate frustrating feelings.

• Any time your child hits, kicks, bites or pushes, remind them to have “safe hands, safe feet, safe mouth” at this age. Then, offer them the feeling word that they might have been trying to express.
• For example, “You were feeling angry when your sister took that toy from you.”

How to respond to their nonverbal communication.

• Respect, recognize, and acknowledge your child’s feelings. Encourage communication with your child by helping them recognize and manage the emotions they are experiencing.
• Try not to judge, discredit, or brush off your child’s feelings as silly or stupid. Show your child that you can see they are upset and help them understand why.
• If your child can only speak one or two words, how can they tell you why they are crying? This can be frustrating. You can’t always figure out why your child is upset, but you can acknowledge their feelings. Try saying, “I know you’re feeling frustrated. I don’t like feeling that way, either.”

Body language (gestures, pointing, and physical touch) is another way we send “messages” about our thoughts and feelings to others. Appropriate touch can also help create a stronger bond, sense of security, and improved communication.

Hold their hand when crossing the street

Hug them when they’re scared

Sit them on your lap while you read a story before bed

Cuddle with them on the couch

Brush their hair

Let the fun begin!

Schedule play dates for your child. Being around other kids will help them practice listening, interacting, and learning from others.

• Let your child play with slightly older children, such as siblings or family friends, to support and expand their abilities.
• Allowing your child to engage in supervised, age-appropriate activities (for example, coloring, Play Doh, and dress-up) will encourage the development of communication skills (both verbal and nonverbal) and self-confidence in social settings.

The magic of books

Reading to your child every day can strengthen their curiosity, resourcefulness, and attitude towards learning. Books help to encourage your child’s growing vocabulary while also providing quality snuggle-time!

Verbal communication: talk, talk and
talk some more

Your toddler likely has a couple of words they proudly say, shout, or scream on a regular basis. They may even be able to put two words together, making their wants and needs a little easier for you to understand (“Dada, up?” as a way of asking to be picked up). But their language development still has a long way to go! 

• No matter how adorable, DON’T fall into the trap of using baby-talk with your little one. Your child learns so much about complex words from you, so try not to “childproof” your language. Use simple and clear words so that your child can imitate them.

• Offer more detail to the words or phrases your child says. For example, if your child says “cat,” you might say, “Yes that’s a fluffy cat. What do fluffy cats say? Meow!”

• Respond to your child’s efforts to speak in a positive way. Not knowing the right words to express themselves can be so frustrating for your little one. Let them know that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and being patient.
• Though it may feel as if your toddler isn’t listening to a word you say, they are soaking up information every day about the way you act and speak. Talk to others with kindness and your child will follow your lead.
• Manners. Are. SO. Important. Everyone wants their child to be polite, and some days it may seem like your toddler doesn’t understand the words “please” and “thank you.” Keep trying! If your child says “more,” respond by asking, “more, please?” If your child doesn’t want something, such as a toy or a snack, and pushes it away, encourage them to say, “No, thank you.”
• Let your child have some alone time. Imaginary play with toys, dolls, and arts and crafts is important for your child’s growth, and sometimes that play will change when you are around. It’s their make-believe world – let them control it!
  • When you do play pretend games with your child, let them take the lead.
• Have conversations frequently. You can do this at the park, at the supermarket, or even at your kitchen table. Talk about what you are doing while doing it. For example, if you are on a walk and see a puppy, tell your child, “Look, there’s a puppy on a walk just like us.”

Tips to try

Knowing and understanding your baby requires a LOT of patience and time. During this developmental stage, it’s important to lay the foundation for a lifetime of strong communication.

• Talk to your baby. All. The. Time. Tell them when you don’t understand what they need, tell them about what you see around you, tell them about how you are feeling. They may not always understand what you’re talking about, but they’re slowly picking up on words and love to hear your voice.
• Observe out loud when something appears to be exciting for your baby. For example, say, “Wow! Those carrots are yummy, aren’t they?!”
• Listen to music and dance while holding your baby. This is an activity that you can do when your child is happy or when they are upset.
• Snuggle time! Hold your child close and sing into their ears or speak to them softly.

This period of development is such an exciting – but often confusing and frustrating – time for parents and caregivers. Learning to communicate with your baby can be stressful! Take heart! Like all relationships, you need to learn about your little person and the unique and special ways that they communicate.

And for those moments when you just need a break…

• As important as it is to talk to your baby and start building a relationship with them, it is also important to know when you need to step away.
• In moments of frustration, when you can’t calm your infant or you haven’t slept enough, it’s okay to put your baby in a safe space and leave the room, even if they are crying.
• Stepping away doesn’t make you a bad parent! It doesn’t mean you are failing to provide love or that you’ll never be able to calm your child.

Nonverbal communication:
smiles, shakes and shimmies

Babies communicate their needs through body movements (squirming, pointing) and facial expressions (smiling, eye contact). There are many ways parents and caregivers can encourage nonverbal communication:

• Be emotionally expressive when talking to your baby – exaggerate your facial expressions. Change them based on what you’re saying and see if your baby can copy what you’re doing.
• Encourage your baby to imitate your actions, such as peek-a-boo, throwing kisses, or giving “high fives.”
• Teach your child to use gestures to help communicate, like raising their arms when wanting to be picked up or waving “hi” and “bye.”

Touch is another way to build strong communication between you and your baby. Positive touch between a caregiver and child creates moments of comfort and calm. Find opportunities to hold your baby skin-to-skin:

Skin-to-skin contact between you and your baby offers comfort and a sense of calmness. Find opportunities to hold your baby skin-to-skin:

Hold your baby cheek-to-cheek

Hug and kiss your baby

Gently massage your baby with lotions

Rub your baby’s feet, hands, back, and stomach

Rock your baby softly

Verbal communication: making sense of those adorable (and not so adorable) baby noises

Before babies are able to talk, they communicate their needs through sounds like crying and cooing. Encourage your infant’s coos! The more you enjoy those gurgles and giggles, the more your child will “talk” to you.

Respond to your baby’s little noises.

• When your baby is crying, say “I know. Your diaper is wet and it doesn’t feel good! I’ll change you.” If your baby is gurgling and shrieking, respond with smiles, kisses, and happy faces.
• Smile often at your baby when they are cooing and gurgling; this encourages “baby talk.”

Read, sing, or talk to your baby!

• Hearing words over and over will help your baby to learn what they mean. Your baby is absorbing  SO MUCH about speaking and listening in the early months of life!
• As your baby approaches 12 months, encourage them to point to familiar objects in books. Reinforce your baby’s responses with excitement and pride (for example, “Yay! That is the puppy! Do you see a kitten in this picture?”)

Quality Time with Your Baby

It may feel like you spend every waking minute attending to your baby. You are. Though you might have a million other things to do, from cleaning to answering emails, it’s so important to give your baby some one-on-one time.  

• Turn off the television, and put away phones and laptops when you are feeding your baby. Study your child’s features, the shape of their face, and the sounds they make when they’re eating.

• Speak to your baby as you feed, bathe, dress, and play with them. Describe your daily activities as you do them. Your infant may not understand what you’re talking about, but they’re slowly picking up on words and love to hear your voice.

Be there for your child!

Your child has their own thoughts, opinions, and awesome personality. They are becoming more independent every day, but they may still need your help managing stressful and challenging emotions. Give your child a supportive and loving environment to help them feel in control when they are faced with overwhelming feelings.

No parent wants to see their child cry…

But, remember, negative emotions are a part of life! Give support and encouragement to your child when they are upset. Don’t shut them down; listen to them. Here are some ways to support your child when they are experiencing an intense emotion:

1.  Remain calm. Losing your temper or slumping into sadness right alongside your child will make it harder for them to tolerate their distress and harder for them to share it with you.

2.  Don’t get angry at your child or dismiss any feelings they are having. If they are worried that you will retaliate or reject their feelings, they will be unlikely to be able to successfully talk about or manage negative experiences.

3.  Offer respectful and appropriate positive touch to make them feel supported and safe: hold their hand, pat or rub their back, and hug them.

• It’s important to remember that your child has a right to refuse your physical contact – even if it’s offered with love and support.
• Follow their lead and be ready with a hug when – and if – they are ready.

It’s a learning process.

Managing emotions is like a muscle…each time they use their skills, they become more practiced and confident. Over time, your child will be better able to calm themselves down after increasingly difficult emotional experiences.

• Encourage them to navigate these feelings instead of avoiding them and be there for hugs, kind words, and support.
• Don’t rush in to fix everything, even if it can be hard to see your child upset.
• Remember, don’t expect them to already know how to manage their emotions, give them the chance to learn. Children develop at their own pace and each child will have different abilities and strengths.

Everyday parent or superhero?

Though some days it may seem like you can’t get anything right, in your child’s eyes, you’re a superhero! The way you handle everyday problems and emotions makes you an important model for dealing with feelings.

Remember…

Don’t just share the ways that you successfully manage your emotions. Go ahead, admit it! We all get caught in the “weeds” sometimes. Make it okay to “mess up.” Talking about your own challenges can take the fear out of having new emotions for your child.

Monitor your own well-being, too!

Your child notices when you are calm, disappointed, or tired. Taking care of yourself and your feelings will help you to be a stronger parent.

• It’s okay to have negative emotions in front of your child. Tears, frowns, and stress are a part of everyday life. It’s important for your child to realize that these emotions are normal, but be sure you use healthy ways of expressing them.
• Reach out to family and friends if you need support. Superheroes need sidekicks sometimes!
• Embrace your own feelings. Being a parent is hard. Talking about things that we take for granted is hard. Thinking about our own experiences is HARD. One of the most amazing parts of being a parent is realizing the extent of insight about ourselves that it requires.
• Acknowledging your own feelings and talking about how you are going to manage them (“I’m feeling super stressed right now. I’m going to go and take a walk”) makes the process of feeling both normal and manageable.
• Don’t forget that your kids are still children. It’s great and important to share your experiences, but it is important to have appropriate boundaries. Don’t share ALL of your emotions with your kids. If you need someone to talk to, seek out support from friends, family, or local professionals.

Helping your kids manage emotions

Children exist in an ocean of emotion – and riding the waves can feel both exciting and scary. By this age, your child probably has a reasonable handle on some of the more basic feelings, but may be confused by more complicated emotions, like loneliness, disappointment, or pride. You can teach your child how to recognize and respond to complex emotions.

For better or worse, your kids are experiencing a broad range of emotions. In fact, they might think that they don’t need you to tell them how they’re feeling. They know. They. Are. Experts. But your job isn’t done yet, as they are learning about new emotions all the time. Being able to identify their feelings is just the first step in helping your child manage their own emotions. For more information on how to help your child identify and understand feelings, click here.

No matter how hard we try or how many strategies we use, we can’t always contain or channel our child’s emotions. So, what can you teach your child to do?

Be a safety net for your child

We all strive to keep our children safe. Giving your child lots of love helps them to feel protected and better able to handle any emotion that comes their way. It also lets them know that if they can’t manage a situation on their own, you will be there to support them. 

When it rains, it pours, so make sure you have an umbrella!

When your child is having a meltdown, which will happen at some point, try some of the following things: