Be the Robin to their Batman
When your child is faced with a difficult situation, swooping in to save the day might seem like the “right” thing to do. But if you do, your child misses an opportunity to practice their own superhero skills and tackle obstacles in their path! As your kids grow up, they’ll need your help in fine-tuning these skills, so let them take the lead. The more they practice, the better equipped they will be when faced with the next evil villain or challenge.
In order to bounce back from difficult situations, your kids must first learn to deal with their powerful emotions. When they are able to manage these strong feelings, they will be better able to cope with the difficulties life throws at them. Encourage your child to practice emotion regulation strategies and allow them to talk about their reactions, thoughts, and feelings about these events. Learning to manage your emotions is a key step in helping your child build resilience! For more detailed information regarding emotion regulation strategies, click here.
Get gritty!
Encourage your child to see life as a journey that will include obstacles from time to time. Finding ways to forge on – even in the face of hardships and challenges – is known as grit! Children who have grit are more likely to be successful in coping with difficult situations.
It’s okay to let your child experience appropriate hardships. It will help them better manage sticky situations in the future. If you are letting them avoid working through challenges, they may not be prepared to do so when you aren’t with them.
- Even though it may be easier for you to do it for them, let them take their time and work through things like tying their shoes, cutting their food, or reading the bedtime story.
Framing experiences as learning opportunities or “adventures” can help your child manage them.
- When your child is nervous about starting a new school year, encourage them to think about all of the new and exciting things they will experience, such as making new friends, learning new information, meeting their new teacher, among many others.
If your child is having trouble recovering from a loss or dealing with disappointment, it’s okay to help them out.
Remind you child of how hard they tried and of other times they overcame failure in the past.
- Talk to your child about how they were able to get back up on their bike after falling the first time, how they were still proud of their drawing even after spilling orange juice all over it, or when they apologized to their sibling after calling them a not-so-nice name.
Don’t expect your child to develop grit all of a sudden and then have it every time they face a challenge. Patience is key.
Everyone makes mistakes!
Show your child that no one is perfect – including you.
For example, tell them about that time you made a fancy dinner, but forgot the most important ingredient, or when you didn’t make your little league soccer team after practicing all summer.
Make sure to highlight what you did to cope with that situation.
Brainstorm ways to deal with making mistakes, including focusing on what went well, the effort you put in, and what other actions can be taken to move forward.
For example, if they forgot to turn in their homework, don’t criticize them for their “irresponsibility,” ask them, what are some things you can try next time.
- If they are stuck, give them some examples, such as, write a reminder note to put it in their backpack or make it a routine to make sure all of their schoolwork is in their backpack before bed.
Have your child talk about situations where they failed or made a mistake and talk about different ways to handle challenging situations in the future.
Doing this will help them feel comfortable in dealing with the situation head on, rather than being embarrassed about it or trying to ignore it.
You’re going to “mess up” from time to time, whether it be running late to pick your daughter up from the bus stop or putting the wrong snack in your son’s lunchbox.
- Imperfect parents raise children who can adapt when things change at the last moment.
Your child doesn’t live in a bubble.
It’s natural for you to feel the need to protect your little one from negative or upsetting events happening in the world. But they’re hearing about world events from their teachers, peers, and media coverage. Have conversations with your child about things they may hear in the news or at school, making sure that you have an influence on the way they see and interpret these events.
- Don’t shelter your child from the negative events in the world – but do use age-appropriate language and concepts when discussing upsetting situations.
- When discussing “scary” or distressing incidents with your child, point out all the kind and caring people who have been brought together in response to this event. Emphasize the bravery of firefighters and first-responders who work hard to keep people safe.
- Mr. Rogers once said “look for the helpers” – but don’t stop there! How can you and your family “be” the helpers? Talk about what you as a family can do to support those affected by difficult experiences or life challenges.