Praising Behaviors That You Want to See
Bickering with your child about their homework, negative attitude, or always leaving their dirty clothes on the floor can make life feel like one continuous battle. Improving children’s behavior doesn’t start with nagging and discipline – it starts with all of the things they do right! Recognizing and rewarding positive behaviors makes it more likely that those behaviors will happen again.
Kids mess up.
But for every goof-up or blunder, there are so many amazing things that your child does to remind you just how special they are. Keep an eye out for behaviors you would like to see again, no matter how small.
Praise, praise, and praise some more.
Noticing “good” behaviors with a kind word lets your child know that you can see the effort that they are making (and that you would love to see more!).
- When your child washes the dishes without prompting or helps their sister with their spelling homework, use specific praise such as “We are so grateful for your help cleaning the kitchen” or “Your sister is so lucky to have an older brother who takes the time to help out with homework.”
- The chance to stay up a little later to watch TV with Grandma or go on a walk with Mom are examples of social rewards that kids can earn for helpful or caring behaviors.
- Giving rewards is not “spoiling” your child. But remember – rewards should be earned, not given away or used as a bribe.
Caregivers can be quick to see the “bad” behavior in their child.
Yelling, cursing, and shoving are all aggressive, in-your-face actions that are hard to get past. Identifying the tiniest sliver of positivity in your child during an argument can help them focus on behaviors they should be doing and remind them that you are doing your best to give them support.