Promoting Independence
When your child is in a sticky situation, swooping in to solve the problem might seem like the “right” thing to do. But when you do, your child misses opportunities for skill building that come from solving problems independently.
Let them take the lead!
Offer guidance when needed, but encourage them to solve problems on their own. The more practice they get, the better prepared they will be for the next tricky situation!
Use problem solving to help your child become more independent.
- For example, if your child forgot to pack their water bottle for summer camp, you could ask, “What can we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
- Let them develop some solutions on their own, and provide lots of praise and encouragement.
Allow your child to experience failure.
No doubt this will be uncomfortable at first, but allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their decisions is extremely valuable. When kids are given the opportunity to struggle, and even fail, they start developing critical social and emotional skills. No, you shouldn’t risk their safety or ignore your child when they are in need, but acting as a sidekick rather than their hero will help them in the long run.
Help your child develop a growth mindset.
Teaching a growth mindset to children means that we are encouraging them to continually develop and realize that they are capable of learning. When they are stuck on homework and say “I can’t do this,” acknowledge their frustration, and remind them that they “can’t do it yet.” Persistence and practice pay off!
Strong feelings can disrupt your child’s ability to problem solve.
Children (and grown ups!) need to be able to think clearly in order to come up with reasonable solutions to problems. Have them take a deep breath before thinking about different ways to solve the issue. When your child is able to think clearly, they increase their ability to control their emotions and calmly solve the issue at hand!