Helping your kids manage emotions
Children exist in an ocean of emotion – and riding the waves can feel both exciting and scary. By this age, your child probably has a reasonable handle on some of the more basic feelings, but may be confused by more complicated emotions, like loneliness, disappointment, or pride. You can teach your child how to recognize and respond to complex emotions.
For better or worse, your kids are experiencing a broad range of emotions. In fact, they might think that they don’t need you to tell them how they’re feeling. They know. They. Are. Experts. But your job isn’t done yet, as they are learning about new emotions all the time. Being able to identify their feelings is just the first step in helping your child manage their own emotions. For more information on how to help your child identify and understand feelings, click here.
No matter how hard we try or how many strategies we use, we can’t always contain or channel our child’s emotions. So, what can you teach your child to do?
- Do some deep breathing with your child.
- Do some stretching together.
- Listen to some calming, quiet music.
- Practice mindfulness.
- Talk to your child about what parts of a situation they have control over and what parts they don’t.
- Discuss what they can do to change their situation (“Let’s see what we might be able to do to feel better…”).
- Highlight opportunities for your child to choose their experience.
- For example, “If you choose to stay in your room, I’m not sure you’re going to feel any better. Maybe if you choose to do an activity that you enjoy – like putting a puzzle together or going for a bike ride – you might feel better…? What do you think?”
- Remember that we also need to allow our children to make their own choices – no matter how unproductive we think they are.
- Help your child identify what is upsetting them or what is the “problem” they’re facing.
- Brainstorm as many potential solutions as possible with your child, including solutions that may seem silly or unrealistic.
- Evaluate each potential solution, discussing the ways in which they could make the situation better or worse.
- For more detailed information regarding Problem Solving, go here.
- Help your child match the size of their reaction to the size of the problem
- Say, “I wonder if this small rip in your homework will matter to you next week, next month, or next year?”).
- Remind your kids that most disappointing situations get better on their own and that their feelings will improve.
- Teach your child to find the upside of an imperfect situation.
- If your child is upset because their younger sibling broke up their puzzle before it was finished, point out that now you get the chance to do it together!
- When all else fails, try distraction. Briefly label and acknowledge your kid’s feeling, and then shift their attention on to other things – what they did that day, what they can do tomorrow, the weather, sports, or other areas of interest to your child.
- Go back at another time to revisit and attempt to resolve the situation.
Celebrate your child’s success!
When your child does a good job managing their emotions, take note! By acknowledging their effort and the specific skills that they are using, you reinforce healthy emotion regulation and your child’s self-confidence!
- When your children face a fear, tell them that you are proud of their bravery and for doing something that they thought was scary.
- Remember that it’s just as important to acknowledge your children’s effort as it is to acknowledge their success. When you see your children trying to use skills and strategies to manage their emotions – even if they are not entirely successful – it’s important to encourage their effort so that they continue to try! As we all know…practice makes perfect!
- Point out when your children are able to calm themselves or use “feeling words” correctly! We all do better when our efforts and energies are recognized and celebrated!